You Complete Me?
Romantic, isn't it? Meh.
The notion that you are incomplete until you find that special someone who makes you whole is perpetuated in Western ideology typically through Romantic Comedies.
The line, "You complete me" from Jerry Maguire over twenty years ago still rings as loudly in our collective consciousness as Dorothy's reply, "You had me at hello."
Aw. Such a good movie, although my favorite line is "Show me the MONEY!" But that's just me.
The problem here is, well, all of it. This idea teaches us that we are not whole to begin with and that until we find that one in a million partner or best friend or pet, that fills up that hole, then we are doomed to wander the world as halfsies. Worse yet, sometimes we think we've found that person and then after some time discover that we were wrong and losing them is akin to tearing flesh apart.
Best illustrated in one of my absolute favorite books, "The Missing Piece Meets the Big O" by Shel Silverstein, we see a little wedge character in search of its counterpart where it will comfortably fit. The story is wrought with heartache, disappointment, and Self-discovery.
I won't give away the ending. I recommend you read it for yourself. But I will say this:
You are not incomplete. Wait. Let me put it more positively:
You are complete!
And not because you have the best dog in the world, or the best job, or the best boyfriend, best kid, best recipe for Snickerdoodles, etc. You are complete from beginning to end, baby! You were born complete, you will die complete, and all that time in the middle (presumably where you are right now), You. Are. Complete.
Let's say you don't believe me. That's okay. Try this on for a minute and see what happens.
Close your eyes and imagine that there is nothing outside of you that you need to make you better. There is no perfect sweetie. No perfect job. No car. No belongings period. There is no ideology or religion. No family or friends. No beautiful countryside. Nothing. This includes not having any desires or wants. There is nothing to acquire or achieve outside of you. Everything you have is on the inside.
Now sit with this for a moment.
What are you left with? My guess is a very busy mind filled with thoughts. Am I right?
Let's take it a step further. Are your eyes closed? Then how the heck are you reading?
Okay, let's say that now we've eliminated everything outside of us, let's eliminate our thoughts for a moment, too. I promise you, they're not going anywhere. But just for the sake of this exercise, let's say that these thoughts don't actually belong to you. They're merely an echo of social conditioning and physiological impulses telling you that you're hungry for Snickerdoodles, or sleepy, or agitated.
So now there's nothing outside of you and your thoughts don't define you, what are you left with?
It's called being.
What could possibly be incomplete within "being-ness?" There can be no holes in being. Only ideas create make-believe holes that cause us to feel reliant on others, or acquiring things, or achieving goals to make us feel whole, but your natural state is "being." You are already whole. Jerry Maguire does not complete you!
Now open your eyes.
When we bring the knowledge of our "wholeness" to all of our relationships, whether romantic, collegial, familial, or even our relationships with things; our cars, our homes, our clothes, when we know we are whole and don't NEED these things, we take the pressure off the other to fulfill our NEEDS. We are already fulfilled. We bring fulfillment to all of our relationships and because of that, we get to relax, enjoy, and play.
I challenge you to bring your fulfillment to the table and see what happens. Anytime you are feeling like something outside of you is defining you or completing you, take a moment to remember who you are without the people and things outside of you, and who you are beyond your thinking.
You are being. You are fulfillment.
One way to practice this idea is to learn Vedic Meditation. For twenty minutes twice a day you will train yourself to go beyond your thinking. The benefits are astonishing. Find an Intro Talk near you or contact me for more details. The above illustration/Gif was designed by @harlananimation to emulate Shel Silverstein's artwork for The Missing Piece Meets the Big O.