Inspiration can hit at any time.
It occurred to me as I walked to the grocery store on a crisp afternoon in Upper Manhattan that I was in fact not dying, but was very very much alive despite the fact that my beautiful partner of eight years was diagnosed with a terminal illness.
The atmosphere in our home was heavy. My life was about making sure that my love was taken care of physically, spiritually and emotionally. My identity shifted from vibrant theatre actress and community builder to manager of my partner's last few months in his body. I happily took on that job as nothing else I'd done had ever been as important as gently ushering Gary to the next phase in his journey.
I rarely left his side, but somehow on that walk I discovered that there was a joy in me deeply buried underneath the weight of our current circumstances. I realized as I felt the harsh cold winter air entering my lungs that I was alive and was going to live well past Gary's body death. I almost felt guilty at this realization. There was "joy" silently standing by for a life filled with possibilities once the inevitable occurred. I envisioned a pilot light, a small blue flicker just waiting for ignition.
I immediately began creating Pilot Light Blue. I wrote and recorded a mission statement and sent it to my sister who is a talented film maker/animator. Animation Mission Statement, aka Animission Statement.
This was back in February of 2017. Gary dropped his body later that year in May and I moved in with my sister and her family for six months to grieve. Time spent in her home healing and reading the Vedic epics and Puranas and other books about life and death set me up for massive stability as I left for Northern India for four months in early 2018 to study with Maharishi Vyasanand Saraswati to become a certified Vedic Meditation Teacher.
And here we are. Twenty months later, having moved from Manhattan to Venice Beach, I am a Vedic Meditation teacher and creator of Pilot Light Blue, a forum and resource where we attempt to discover what this inner joy is about and how to better access it.
Please enjoy my sister's beautiful animation! I recorded the Voice Over a couple of days after that inspirational walk in Upper Manhattan where I discovered my own Pilot Light. I have changed and grown quite a lot since then, but I love that you can hear in my voice where I was emotionally and spiritually at the time.
There is nothing but evolution and our inherent desire to constantly seek greater joy. Let us take this journey together starting with this lovely animission statement!
Welcome to Pilot Light Blue!